


Zach Varmitech and I Discuss Philosophy

by ProfessorPi



Category: Wild Kratts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:14:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29914677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorPi/pseuds/ProfessorPi
Summary: Just me and Zach Varmitech. Discussing philosophy. Yes this was an assignment for school.
Kudos: 1





	Zach Varmitech and I Discuss Philosophy

**Me:** Wow what a nice day to eat this delicious carrot cake I sure do love carrot cake.

**Zach Varmitech from the hit animated nature show Wild Kratts:** Hello.

**Me:** Oh my god are you Zach Varmitech from the hit animated nature show Wild Kratts???

**Zach Varmitech from the hit animated nature show Wild Kratts:** Yes. I have come here with my Zachbots to capture all the squirrels in the Connecticut River Valley and use them to power a giant cotton candy machine.

**Me:** Wow that is so cool how can I help?!?!??!

**Zach Varmitech from the hit animated nature show Wild Kratts:** Help me defeat those Wild Rats.

**Me:** Okay I am all in for wacky conflict but I don’t know if I want to. Why not just let the squirrels live free and in the wild?

**Zach Varmitech from the hit animated nature show Wild Kratts:** I have these great blueprints for a giant squirrel powered cotton candy machine and I really want cotton candy.

**Me:** But wouldn’t that be bad for the squirrels?

**Zach Varmitech from the hit animated nature show Wild Kratts:** This isn’t about the squirrels. This is about my cotton candy.

**Me:** But Zach Varmitech from the Peabody Award nominee animated show Wild Kratts, that’s so unsustainable!

**Zach Varmitech from the Peabody Award nominee animated show Wild Kratts:** I don’t care. I want cotton candy, and I want cotton candy now.

**Me:** Why do you prioritize cotton candy over the wellbeing of everyone else?

**Zach Varmitech from the Peabody Award nominee animated show Wild Kratts:** Well, it all started when I was young, and was constantly disparaged from making inventions in favor of Aviva. Our inventions were just as good, mine sometimes better, yet she was constantly praised while I had nothing.

Me: And that makes you want to destroy things?

**Zach Varmitech from the Peabody Award nominee animated show Wild Kratts:** No. I just like whining about the trauma caused by my constant comparisons to Aviva throughout my life.

**Me:** Well Zach Varmitech from the flash animated AND live action show Wild Kratts, why do you do the things you do, if not because of your inferiority complex? 

**Zach Varmitech from the flash animated AND live action show Wild Kratts:** I simply don’t see why I should care for the environment. What has it done for me besides keep me in this miserable state of consciousness? Why should I thank it when it left me on this fruitless plane?

**Me:** What about other people though? What if the rest of the world wants to save the environment, like those Wild Rats and Jimmy Z and Coki and Aviva? Why should you stop them?

**Zach Varmitech from the flash animated AND live action show Wild Kratts:** I live my life for myself. Why should I care about what other people think? The only thing I can trust in this world is myself, why not make myself the happiest I can be?

**Me:** Sounds like you need therapy, Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts.

**Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts:** Yes I think I do but I also would like to imprison wild animals and use them to power my robot army.

**Me:** Okay but back to others. What makes you able to enact your will onto the world without anything stopping you? Why you and not others?

**Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts:** Well I am an engineering genius so I have the power to do what I want. And since I can, why not do? Why not enslave endangered white rhinos inside fancy mechanical bulldozers? 

**Me:** Well for starters, it’s really rude and you’re ignoring the rhino’s rights.

**Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts:** Animal rights mean nothing to me! If the rhinos really hated it, they would simply break free!

**Me:** But you have literally enslaved the rhinos in a system where they cannot escape.

**Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts:** Not my problem.

**Me:** So your argument is just that you cannot be stopped, so why stop?

**Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts:** Yes. [insert evil laugh]

**Me:** Are you sure you won’t regret this in the future?

**Zach Varmitech from the biology, zoology, and ecology show Wild Kratts:** No. But I can never know if I’ll do something I’ll regret in the future. Maybe talking to you right now is a mistake. I’d rather just roll with whatever consequences the world throws at me.

**Me:** Wow that sounds like a really powerful but also sad way to live, Zach Varmitech from the 2011 educational PBS Kids show Wild Kratts. 

**Zach Varmitech from the 2011 educational PBS Kids show Wild Kratts:** I don’t care if you think it’s sad. I am exerting my agency on the world while simultaneously accepting my limitations. If you ask me, I am the truly enlightened man.

**Me:** But you are still putting others down in order to raise yourself up and become enlightened!

**Zach Varmitech from the 2011 educational PBS Kids show Wild Kratts:** Again, this does not cause me harm, I am living my life for me and not these other people.

**Me:** But wouldn’t it be better to help everyone reach the same level as you?

**Zach Varmitech from the 2011 educational PBS Kids show Wild Kratts:** I’ve experienced that firsthand. You know Aviva. We are the same level, yet all she does is ignore me. I would rather not experience that again.

**Me:** Aren’t your personal biases getting in the way of trying new things?

**Zach Varmitech from the 2011 educational PBS Kids show Wild Kratts:** Personal biases will always affect people. I choose to accept mine, as fighting them is a futile task.

**Me:** But Zach Varmitech from the Kratt Brothers’ longest running show Wild Kratts, objective reasoning is so cool! Why not partake in it?

**Zach Varmitech from the Kratt Brothers’ longest running show Wild Kratts:** Again, I simply do not want to. I will live my life as I please. I do not care for other things.

**Me:** Well, I guess I cannot get through to you. I have no choice but to join you in enslaving all the squirrels in the Connecticut River Valley and using them to power a giant cotton candy machine. 

**Zach Varmitech from the Kratt Brothers’ longest running show Wild Kratts:** Yes. Let us use them to power my Zachbots! [evil laughter]


End file.
